Freaked Out - Harsh Reality. Relief in the Truth.

ROUGH DRAFT

Disclaimer

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Life goal

to be of those whom Allah SWT describes in ayat 104 of Surah Al Imran hizb 4.

ayat 100 - 105 al imran

Subsequent and afore verses are also very powerful and give a much broader view of the situation/picture.

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I had some amazing experiences this week during the last few days of Ramadan and first days of Eid. I share these only so that I remember them and perhaps they may be of benefit to others. Keep your praise and thanks for Allah alone, and if you must comment something to me then remember to say Masha Allah. I seek recognition from Allah and Him alone. Please enjoy. =)

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Went to the Masjid this morning for Fajr prayer (morning prayer before sunrise) - after the prayer was done i left from the Masjid a little hurriedly thinking of playing video games (a time waster) with my friend/as well as skipping a Sunnah prayer because I had missed its regular window. As I was walking through the low brush between the Masjid and my street I heard a rustle close by and jumped! Scared and alert as I looked for what may be an attacker. I met it's eyes as the doe likewise jumped and looked at me. We stood there for a moment frozen in time. Just a deer phew... beatiful creation of Allah no more then 10 feet from me. I was not in danger, what an amazing and rare thing to see especially in Ottawa. My heartbeat slowed as I looked away and up at the stars for a moment repeating the Shahadah out loud to myself in relief "Laa Illaha ill Allah, Laa illaha ill Allah" (something one says when death is very near or something amazing has just happened, etc.) my body mind and soul all relaxing as I took in the moment like a cold shower washing it all out and peace and contempment settled in like a warm blanket by the fire. The Doe had relaxed the same moment I had and contineud on its way casually as I was recieting the Shahada. I continued on my way as well respectively. As I was walking away and processing the moment a smile came to me and I stopped - remembering that Prophet Muhammad used to find a spot off to the side and make 2 sajdah (prostrations - part of the prayer) of thankfullness/asking for guidance whenever something important/amazing happened or when ill news came to him. So I made Sajdah right there in the grass beside the start of my street - thanking Allah for the wonderful and rare moment and the rememinder of death and life and what was important in the test that is the life of this world. I went home and prayed the Sunnah prayer that is normally prayed before Fajr - and instead of playing video games I decided to write this while it was still fresh and to take a nap.

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Lately I've been stressing and lost about what's going to happen with my re-acceptance renewal/deferral with the Islamic University of Madinah. I kept emailing the brothers from the student body of the University trying to get some answers and Alhamdulillah on this day - after asking the right questions and being direct- the same day I had this experience at Fajr time - I got the whole blunt picture, the harsh reality of the situation. And though it freaked me out a bit. I. Was. Soooooooo. Relieved. Just to know where I'm standing and where I have to go.


Alhamdulillah. Things look promising and now all I can do is be patient and pray. But regardless of what happens; If I'm re-accepted or not I have faith that Allah SWT knows what is best for me. Whatever happens, in the end it will all work out for the best.

Allah SWT promises that for the Believers whatever happens to them in this life - no matter how severe and bad it may seem that there IS more KHAIR (Good) in it then there is bad.
Allah SWT promises us in Surah An-Najm and elsewhere that He will not place a burden upon us like the burdens placed on those before us.
Allah SWT Promises that He never places a burden upon us greater then we have the ability to bear, AND Overcome! A wall to scale a mountain to climb, to stand victorious over ready to face the next one with new strengths and experience.
We have the tools to overcome them. But we have to be the ones to take Action. we must do our part. Tie your Camel! =P

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Consequently on the day before last (the day before my meeting with the deer) - I had seen the Qur'an on my table and brushed its surface lightly. Dust. Frown. I had to do something about that. Sometime soon, I'm in the middle of- computer crap. No time like the Present! Now. Pick up the Qur'an.
I picked up the Qur'an, asked Allah SWT for guidance, I want Him to talk to me. Opened to a random page, was the second page of Surah An-Najm (page 270, in the English/Arabic print by the Mosque of Kind Abdullah Ibn'Abd al-Aziz Al Su'ad. AKA the blue and gold one.)

5. He (Muhammad) has been taught (this Qur'an) by one mighty in power [Jibril (Gabriel)].
6. One free from any defect in body and mind then he (Jibril - Gabriel in his real shape as created by Allah) rose and became stable.
7. While he [Jibril (Gabriel)] was in the highest part of the horrizon, (tafsir ibn Kathir)
8. Then he [Jibril (Gabriel)] approached and came closer,
9. And was at a distance of two bows' length or (even) nearer.
10. So (Allah) revealed to His slave (Muhammad SAWS through Jibril) whatever he revealed.
11. The (Prophet's) heart lied not about what he (Muhammad) saw.

Subhanallah!!! as I am asking Allah for guidance He brings me to one of the pages telling of when Muhammad SAW was asking for Guidance in the cave of Jabal an-Noor and Allah answering his consistent dua by sending Jibril to tell him "IQARA!" Bismi rabi'kal Halaqa..... LOOK THIS UP AND EDIT .... read! learn! And give him prophethood. The ensueing account of how Muhammad was terrified and ran straight home to his wife Khadijah for comfort and advice is beautiful.
Of course I can never have prophethood and frankly - I wouldn't want to - thats a ton of responsibility and best left to Muhammad SAWS, the last and final Prophet and Isa (Jesus) AS (peace be upon him) when he comes back to lead us in Imam Mehdi's time.

Surah An-Najm was only a few pages long so I decided to read the whole thing from start to finish and turned on a recitation on Youtube as well to listen to and follow along in english. It was amazing, and just what I needed that day.

I started emailing the brothers from the student body again asking about the status and everything. As well as figuring out an action plan to get everything I needed for my student Visa. And the ball just started rolling Alhamdulillah.


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There will be lows and there will be highs - this is the beauty in the melody of life. For if it will all Highs and LaLa Land all the time what would we have to truly appreciate the high times, or to even recognise and differentiate them? What kind of a Life is that!? That is Paradise. That 'eternal happiness' is not possible in this life, that is not the melody of this Life. This 'eternal happiness' concept is seemingly intangible like the thought of eternity. We have no reference for it. One hundred is measurable we can imagine that, one million one billion is tangible. But eternity? It is something that comes from faith and belief and trust and truth. For those knowledge seekers it is something - perhaps not tangible - but believable. Belief - believe it or not =P - can be obtained through hard clear evidence that is irrefutable and undeniable when you truly study it. Like any avid student and seeker of knowledge would.
Ask the hard questions. Be a hard head about it. However ALWAYS remember to seek and obtain your knowledge from its purest source. And always remember that knowledge is endless, there is always something new to learn about a subject a new angle to explore it from. To find where the lines are truly drawn. Keep. An. Open. Mind. Seek it out. Don't just believe what someone else says about it - regardless of how trustworthy or untrustworthy they are - Always. Go. Back. To. The. Source. and its supporting evidence.

The paradise in the Hereafter is that which we are promised upon passing the test that is the Life of this world. and we are given all the cards, and we are allowed to look at them. it is an open book test! So read! Study! Brush the dust off that book collecting dust on your shelf. For it will be a witness For or against you on the day of Resurrection. The Qur'an especially.

2013, Calmer Waters, Storms on the Horizon

Wow It's been so long since I've last posted regarding my Life. I had almost forgotten all about this blog... Just re-read my own writing, and I am astonished at how intriguing and compelling my story is, and how skilled of a writer I was even at that young age, masha Allah.

I wanted to clear some things up from my older posts written when I was in that younger mindset.

First and foremost I LOVE my family. I have become much closer to them in the past years since my last post in which i seem to really alienate my family. But honestly without all of their love and support, and the Guidance of Allah into Islam, I wouldn't be the man I am today. And I say that with all of my heart.

I was indeed a self proclaimed outcast of my family when I was younger. Ignorant, brash and young. No doubt about that. But what is youth for really? Thats what families are for, no matter how dark the circumstances get you will always love one another, and always find it in your hearts to forgive and move on strengthening your ties of kinship - as long as both parties are willing and do not cut one another off. May God protect us from such.

I believe everyone is entitled to their own beliefs on the existence of God - and whatever they may believe regarding religions. The only thing I disagree with is the act of deciding upon ones beliefs and opinions regarding any each religion or group of people or even individuals themselves WITHOUT having all of their facts and information straight from LEGITIMATE sources. And no the friend of a friend of your cat's next door neighbor's cousin from another country's opinion on someone from your workplace whom they've never met does NOT count. Lol. It had to be said.

Secondly I have nothing against Christians or Jews; my cousins in faith, or anyone else for that matter with an ideal regarding the meaning of life and wether or not there is a God. We're all in the same test here. We all have within our reach all of the books and proofs - pieces to the puzzle - required to seek out the truth. If we but knew!


What is the meaning of Life?
What happens when we Die?
Why are we here... why are we each tested through different trails and tribulations?


We're all in the same boat like it or not. These questions nag each and every one of us individually no matter how hard some of us try to suppress it. It is there. I gave up suppressing it long ago and embraced it with a vigor and eagerness, and I'm oh so glad I did. I still search and live these huge massive questions every day. Always learning something new. It's and invigorating way to live, eyes are wider, heart and mind clearer, restlessness in life seemingly vanishes.

What am I up to now in Life you may wonder? Well not much to be honest, struggling with finances, trying to save up for college and get that one step closer to my dream job in life, or at least one of them. Yes I have a few in mind XD I love the outdoors, so something like guiding through the wilderness has always been a dream of mine. An outdoor school. Becoming a teacher. I love knowledge, so thats another one of my goals. Among others. And I am in the works of getting that going, insha Allah.
I'm 21 going on 22 soon, if you can't do the math from my previous posts =P

All this to say. I wish you all the best in Life! Never stop seeking the truth. For if you suppress these things it will eat away at you. Think of your heart as a light fixture with a single bulb in it. If you keep turning it off and on with good and bad deeds in life its going to burn out pretty quick. Perhaps you need to do some re-wiring or perhaps your wiring is fine just the way it is. And all you need is. A. New. Bulb. And a greater source of electricity.

Hope to write more often and more in-depth on my blog in the coming months, years - Insha Allah.

Post tramatic loss and stress

The Second Coming

Bismillah hir-Rahman nir-Raheem (In the name of God)

As-Salaamu Alaikum, (Peace be upon y'all)

Insha Allahu ta'la you are well, (God Willing, you are well)

So you had asked me: "How did you become Muslim?"

-- Here is an email I sent to a person I met on a video game called World of Warcraft...lol, I told a Shaykh (Scholar) about the Daw'wa story... it was very funny, when I was done he paused and said: "Video games.... the new frontier of Daw'wa" LOL! --

Yea I stopped playing that video game... Waste of time.

Well here's a little background about me, I always find it helps when I explain why I choose Islam as my Religion. It is a long email, but it deserves it, for it is my story of how I came to Islam. =)

I knew in my Heart and just by sitting down and thinking deeply, that there Must be something more then this material life... I have to eat, drink, sleep and even go to the washroom to stay Alive. Also my knowledge is limited to that which I have learned, and have been able to retain in memory. Therefor, I did not create myself.

And though my parents gave birth to me, and their parents to them, etc... Who created them? Who created the first one? And I'm sorry, but telling me that it was just a random mix of chemicals, and then we evolved into apes, just doesn't cut it in my books .

Also since Religion is all around us, (Christianity, Judaism, etc...) no matter where you are in the world, and there is this internal feeling within practically every human being (the Fitrah) -however deep and distant it may seem- that there is something greater out there, a "Higher Being" if you will. I came to the conclusion that there Must be a God/Creator of some kind. So ever since realizing this at a very young age, I made it my mission to sift through all the conjectures and hints of the answers to these three main big Questions:

- "What is my Purpose in Life?

- "What is Death, and what will happen then?"

- "What is the Truth about God? (where can I find non-corrupted clear proof of His Existence, let alone details about Him?)

-> And as I was getting older (around age 13 - 15), it seemed to me that there wasn't any clear proof, and I was starting to loose Hope. Starting to give up.

I thank God for my parents who raised me up, teaching that such things as alcohol, drugs, smoking, swearing, etc... are all bad for you physically and mentally. I was Confused in my later years (early teens) however since they slowly started to do these things around me (except for drugs and smoking, Alhamdulillah), even if it was 'moderated' as they like to call it... That didn't matter, to me it was plain hypocrisy and truly hurt me deep down.

All this to say: I have always, and forever will, disagree with and hate in my heart all of the things that I have mentioned above. Why would I put poison into my body, damaging not only my health but also my heart and mind? I did however try alcohol a few times, never got drunk, and after one bad experience with two of my closest friends getting drunk and me not even drinking a sip... , Where they could have died... That was it. I was done with alcohol.

Hence, I have always felt somewhat out of place, not only in my family, but much more so at school. I felt that I didn't belong there with those people... that I was supposed to be with others... and I wanted to find them. I was determined to find them. Yet I did so in a patient, calm, but relentless search.

I was a master at making friends. You know how schools always have those separate groups of people who only hang out with each other and rarely with someone from other groups? On top of that some groups -or 'clicks' if you will- even fight one another as if the hallways were trenches, and everywhere but the class room was an open battlefield for War.

I was a lone wolf, but I could go around to each group and greet them with at least a mutual respect from everyone. (Even all the "Cool" kids who used to make fun of me in elementary school). I made closer friends as well... but as I said, I was a lone wolf, and I always kept a certain distance no matter who it was, because there were small things about them that my heart just couldn't agree with. I was still searching for the place where I belonged.

Warning, Discloser: the following paragraph is only what was going through my mind at that time, though I still hold some of my opinions mentioned below. But I would just like to ask your forgiveness if I offend you in any way shape or form within the next paragraph or so. Also I now consider Christians/Jews to my cousins in faith.

My family is not religious, and as far as I know only my grandparents -not even all of them-, as well as one of my cousins believe in God. My Mom was somewhat religious... she is sort of a Buddhist, but it's hard to tell as she follows her own ideas of it for the most part.

My Mom, has always been very relaxed as a parent, letting me do whatever I like, warning me openly if she is worried about something, giving me all the information and then letting me experience and decide for myself. I Truly Thank God for such an Awesome Mom.

Therefore, since I had those big questions (mentioned above), among others always nagging at my heart, I set out on a Spiritual Journey, looking for answers to all my problems and all the many many problems I saw in general society around me.

I tried -for lack of a better word- Christianity and Buddhism, as well as looked into Judaism, Hinduism, etc... etc...

Yet with each one, I always found them contradicting there own selves in some way or another. Christianity and Judaism seemed the most proper, yet they each have roughly 70+ different versions of the Bible/Torah... confusing? Yes. Not to mention according to some sects of Christianity, Prophet Jesus (Peace be upon him) is supposedly the 'Son of God' AND is 'apart' of God who is three... Which to me makes Absolutely No sense. If Jesus (Peace be upon him) is the Son of God, then how come he has to eat, sleep, get tired, use the washroom, etc... like the rest of humans?? How then does he die on the cross? And if he is 'part of God' then are you telling me 'part of God' was tortured and killed by humans?

Does not compute with me.

As for Judaism, I could hardly even find any information on them, and heard you had to be born Jewish to be Jewish... that trail became cold pretty fast. And as for Buddhism and Hinduism, they didn't or hardly had any clear or even textual evidence to support their theories, and yes I call them theories because there is no real proof to back them up... On top of that, people made the idols and all that with their bare hands, and I can DESTROY them with my bare hands. Why would I worship something that can neither hear me, answer me nor help me in any way?

Back onto the topic of school:

I had about 3-5 girlfriends in High school, and like any typical High school relationship, they barely lasted a week, if that, before they dumped me for fun, or whatever their reasons were... The stupidity of it all still astonishes me to this day. I was fed up with 'girlfriends', and never wanted one again. The only reason I would ever even have another one again -I told myself- would be to lead to a more serious and stable relationship... I was only using the boyfriend girlfriend method because everyone else around me seemed to do it that way.
As you may have been able to tell, I am a serious guy, and I like things that are stable, comfortable, easy and make sense - even at that young age. I wanted a SERIOUS relationship with a Mature girl. Not something that is treated lightly and thrown out as if it were nothing.

Anyways,

About halfway through grade 10, a new girl came to my school and was in two of my classes: Math and English. She wore a Hijab (covered herself with loose clothing, including her hair and neck, everywhere except for her face and hands). Though at the time I thought it was just a cultural thing... and had no idea about it's significance to Islam. Nor did I know anything about Islam. Of courseI heard on the news about 9/11 and all that stuff... Yet I have NEVER trusted the news or people whenever they tell me abut someone/something else without them being present. (What they say about others, especially when it comes to facts/truth... aside from the weather on the News, and even that they get wrong sometimes, lol!)

The reason I do not trust the news or people when it comes to such things, is because the always take facts out of context, and then mix them with lies and or their own idea's and opinions.

If I want to learn about someone or something, I'll go straight to the source and hear it from their own mouths, without any premeditated opinions or stereo-types in my mind.

The first time I saw/met the new girl was in Math class, she seemed upset, so I decided to go and see what was up, and to make yet another friend, she was new to the school, and as I mentioned, it was my prerogative to be friends with everyone. So I said hi and commented on her seeming upset, asking what what was wrong. She replied that she was just having trouble with the math questions. Seeing as she joined halfway through the year, it was understandable. So I helped her. (I was good at Math =P).

We became friends/good acquaintances quickly, and that was all I wanted. Then one day, a few weeks later, we crossed paths on the way back to our homes after school and found out that we lived like literally 4 blocks from one another! I felt something in my heart and started to like her, so being the honest and open guy I was, I told her my feelings, and asked what she thought.

Subhanallah, the very first words out of her mouth, after being a little shocked and thinking for a moment, she replied openly and plainly: "Ok... but in Islam, it's either Marriage. Or Nothing." I was like "..." , "What?", lol. I was so surprised because I had never heard anything like that with such confidence before. And I was very intrigued because my Heart screamed out "Thats EXACTLY what I was looking for. Islam seemed to support the exact sort of relationship which I had been looking for for a very long time. (I mean Christianity said that they did that, but I'd never seen such commitment or anything to back that up form their actions).

And yes, the thought did cross my mind "Should I become Muslim to marry her?", And the split second that crossed my mind, I KNEW it was wrong. My Heart said. NO. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be for myself.

I had to learn more, so we talked about Islam for a few months, and she gave me the an English version of the (meanings of the) Qur'an. She also introduced me to her oldest brother, and he took it from there =)

The very first thing that really pulled my heart to Islam were the etiquette's and morals which it called to. The beautiful manners it instilled in Muslims. And ALL of it had clear textual evidence to back it up! As well as common sense. Not to mention there is only ONE Qur'an! No other versions! I was very excited, and still am.

I started reading the Qur'an, making it my mission to find bad things or things that were wrong and made no sense. I was so taken aback by it... everything was so True, and like a slap in the face, and a Shiver in the Heart... it is Amazing. I couldn't find anything wrong, and even when I thought I did, I was like: I found it! And went to a Muslim and told them "Ha! See! That's wrong!", and they said "No no, you see what that actually means is this... etc...", and it made complete sense so I was like "oh..." now I get it.

I didn't even get halfway through the Qur'an before I took my Shahada (proclamation of faith), "Ashadu Al Laa illaha ill Allah, wa ashadu anna Muhammadar-Rasool Allah." ["I bear witness that there is no god worthy of Worship Except Allah, and I bear witness the Muhammad is his slave and Final Messanger (from among many)."] establishing that I had entered Islam. Allahu Akbar!

(One of the verses that really helped, can be found in the videos below of another converts story).

SubhanAllah, you want to know whats really really special? Something that is utterly Amazing. All I had wanted was to find something to fix my relationship dilemma. Yet Islam not only fixed that in the best possible way, It fixed ALL of my other problems that I had in Life. EVERYTHING. Even things that I considered small, but still always bugged me in the back of my mind. Al.Hamdu.Lillah.

And thats pretty much my story, I started taking AlMaghrib courses soon after becoming Muslim, and I've been taking them ever since, increasing my knowledge of Islamic sciences, etc...

As well as Halaqa's and other smaller classes.

Basically: I chose Islam because of the manners of Islam, and the Qur'an. (It was the Qur'an that sealed the deal. For people can have good manners, but the Words of God are special and Unique only to Him).

To clear up some questions you may have:

- The top number one question that everyone always asks me after reading my story: "So, did you marry that sister?"

Answer:

Nope. We decided we weren't right for one another. She is now married to an Awesome brother Masha Allah, may Allah SWT place Love and Mercy between them and their family, and give them Ilhm Nafi'an, wa Rizkan Tay'yban, wa Amaalan Mutakabalan, Ameen. And make their Best deeds, their last deeds, and grant them Khair Akhirah wa Khair dunnya, Ameen.

All the other questions anyone ever asks me is usualy just Baqwas,

Yet, if you have any, please feel free to Post Away! =)

I'd be gald to answer any questions you may have.

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Here are some videos: it's a funny and Amazing story about how someone else came to Islam. LOVE his story, it's Awesome!

part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pthRGKkMMHM

part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_L7sxluaNs&feature=related

The New Beggining

Bismillah Hir Rahman Nir Rah-heem
-> (In the name of God, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful)
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
-> (Peace be upon you, and the Mercy of God, and his blessings)

That greeting is normally supposed to only be reserved for other Muslims... But I have no idea who is going to be reading this blog, so why not say the best greeting of all?
Who knows... maybe it will guide someone to the true path... Islam.

You may think Im overconfident, or ignorent and tunnle minded... but I do not fear what other people say. I know what is the truth. The true guidance sent to mankind...

24. Say: "It is He Who has created you from the earth, and to Him shall you be gathered (in the Hereafter)."

25. They say: "When will this promise (i.e. the Day of Resurrection) come to pass? if you are telling the truth."

26. Say (O Muhammad SAW): "The knowledge (of its exact time) is with Allâh only, and I am only a plain warner."

27. But when they will see it (the torment on the Day of Resurrection) approaching, the faces of those who disbelieve will be different (black, sad, and in grieve), and it will be said (to them): "This is (the promise) which you were calling for!"

28. Say (O Muhammad SAW): "Tell me! If Allâh destroys me, and those with me, or He bestows His Mercy on us, - who can save the disbelievers from a painful torment?"

29. Say: "He is the Most Beneficent (Allâh), in Him we believe, and in Him we put our trust. So you will come to know who is it that is in manifest error."
- Qur'an [67:24-29]


I was born 9 months ago... Friday July 13th, 2007
Well thats when I converted to Islam anyways. Yes, I'm a convert.

I was really born 16 and a bit years ago: Augest 14th, 1991
I had an... interesting life... Moved around alot, never had the chance to get to attached to any one place... gave up trying because I learn't that it wasn't worth it... Because it would just be ripped away from me whether i liked it or not... And in some cases... I did.
My mom devorced three times... Never ever liked any of my step fathers, only ever got to see my real dad on the weekends...
But thats all in the past now, no need to dig up old feelings... Everything happens for a reason, and you have to have faith that it is for the best...
If one would only reflect... If one but knew.

The first question anyone ever asks me... well any Muslim ever asks me is: How did you become a Muslim?

Im really tired so I'll save that story for my next post, Insha Allah. (God Willing)

Until next time,
I hope you all have a very nice week =)
Wasslamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
- Magee